Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. I've learned that life is like an hourglass. Sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom. All you have to do is be patient and wait for someone to turn everything back around.

Wake Forest Police Carnival

Gavin loves to ride on carnival rides. Big surprise huh? So when he saw the carnival in Home Depot's parking lot it was all we heard about for 3 days straight! He even added this extra guilt trip factor. "Last time we couldn't go cause we didn't have money cause you didn't have a job mommy. But now you have a job so can we please go?!" Aye Aye Aye... it starts so young! Except for the crazy amount of wind... we all had a pretty good time!

My kids love to dress up...

Doesn't help that they look so darn cute when they do!

I'm in love....

LOVE THE BLUEBERRY TART!!!

Who has time for that??

I need a cleaning lady! No really... I do! This is crazy! I have NO TIME to do anything anymore! Including updating my blog!

Between day to day stuff and planning a surprise I'm overwhelmed with a to do list longer than I have time for!!!

A sign....

Sometimes I really wish it was that clear!

More pictures..

Best friends then... still best friends now! I know it probably won't last but I love it!

Old Pictures...

The last few weeks I've been going through old pictures (You'll find out the reason in a later post). It's almost addicting. I just love to see how people looked, how quickly kids have grown, etc. So I've decided that over the next few weeks I'll bring some memories back by posting some of my favorites!

So for today...

I love these girls (and their new baby sister for that matter)!! We always have so much fun together no matter what we are doing. Even if we are just sitting around the house doing nothing. However, in this particular picture we just got back from sledding at the park during the Blizzard Maryland had. I'm pretty sure it was one of the first time's Kendyll went sledding and wow... what an adventure! Haha!

Happy John 3:16 Day!

100% Girl

Megan loves to dress up! Doesn't matter what it is! It could be dress up clothes from the bin or her very own coat and hat but she loves to dress up! Yeah for the self help skills she is learning right?! Too cute!

Family Fun Day

Yesterday we decided to head to downtown Raleigh. The Life and Science center was having their reptile/amphibian day and there was also a St Patty's day parade. There were animals out on every floor for the kids to touch, hold, etc. Surprisingly enough... Gavin thought it was neat and did touch a few things but he was actually the timid one! Megan was all for it! She LOVED the snakes. Touching was not enough for her.. she wanted to hold one! They would have let her but Mommy said NO WAY! Haha!

After the museum we watched a little of the St Patrick's Day before heading for lunch and home. Gavin really liked the "canoe boats" the scouts made and asked if he could make one too!

It's nice to take a break from the typical routine and do something fun together as a family... especially when it's FREE!

Construction... it's everywhere!

And I just barely made it on time today..... GRRR!

I made it!

Yep, I made it through my first week back at work.  In fact we all did. Gavin did wonderful just as I expected. He was a little nervous and anxious at first and then "jumped" right in to the swing of things! Megan on the other hand... it will take her a while to get used to it. She has cried all week and has spent the week trying to figure out this new "school" thing. I'm hoping it won't be too much longer before she loves going to school as well!

Mommy was super busy this week! My very first day I met with the owners in the morning and was in classrooms the rest of the day because we had 3 teachers out and 1 quit! What a way to start the week huh? The director I work with is really sweet and nice! Thank goodness! I've kinda been thrown into things with not a lot of training. It's a sink or swim kinda thing. Low staffing doesn't allow for much training time and it causes me to be working some long hours! Gotta love management!

I really like working up front and getting to know how to do some more management things. However, I'm convinced even more now than I was before that I need to open my own preschool. I really wish people who had a lot of money would stop buying childcare centers! All of them seem to be in it only for the $ and could care less about the children or staff that they have in their center. I hate working for those types of people! GRRR!

Oh well...gonna get some expereince and then look into breaking free...

Thanks to all who offered words of encouragement to me this week. I nemade it!

So much on my mind...

After accepting the job (wait... more like after my first interview) I've been having crazy amounts of anxiety. I've never felt so unsure about what I was supposed to do. I've practically made myself sick over it. My stomach is constantly in knots and I can't sleep!

It seems to be what I was looking for but for whatever reason I just can't relax about it. I'm pretty sure I've spent more time praying in the last 3 days than I have in 3 years! It's crazy!

I have this strong urge pushing me saying "This is it! You got this!" and just about the time I start feeling a sense of calmness about the situation... something inside me screams "What are you doing? What are you getting yourself into?

I'm so conflicted. Hoping I did the right thing and praying that after Monday things might be a little clearer for me!

My children's Stats

Today Megan had to go for her 15 month check up and Gavin had to go for his kindergarten evaluation/physical.

They both were healthy and there were no concerns! FINALLY a good check up!

I did think it was funny that the doctor told me if both of my children continued on their curve Megan would be taller than her brother by 5! She is in the 95th percentile for height and Gavin is in the 25th!

Here are the stats:

Gavin
44 lbs. and 42 inches

Megan
22lbs 4 ounces and 31 3/4 inches

So how do you really feel?

The thought of going back to work SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!  I mean I am a complete control freak you know?!! Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this God's plan? Should I be staying at home? What do I do?

I am in desperate need of one of those....

moments...

The biggest worry for me? My kids...

And if you know anything about me...you know that my kids are my life! (even if they do test my patience on a daily basis!) There's nothing in this world that I've wanted more than my kids!

So on a side note I feel it's important to let you in on a little something. You see... I realize I'm a control freak! I also realize that no matter how much I love these two kids... they aren't really mine! They are God's children and he has allowed me to raise them. The last few months I've spent alot of time in bible studies about "letting go" This is the area of my life that I need help "letting go" I just can't do it! There really isn't any reason for it. NOTHING has ever happened to them when I gave up control.... it's just something personal inside of me. And yes, I'm working on that. So it's not all that surprising that God would throw a "perfect" opportunity my way to help push me into that "letting go". (After all... he did allow me to spend almost a year and half with them)

So as I reflect over the last 15 months being at home this is what I've come to...
1. I didn't really miss work. I thought I would. I just missed the relationships that I formed. But the idea of work in general... nope didn't miss it a bit!
2. I never talked as much as I did when I was at home. (I answered hundreds of questions, repeated myself a million times, and cajoled for the same reasons...all in the same amount of time I did when I was working!)
3. I thought I would enjoy mom's groups. I didn't. They weren't for me.
4. I was sure I would get bored. BOY WAS I EVER WRONG!
5. If I could handle 18 3 year olds... 2 children at home would be a breeze. WRONG AGAIN!
6. I understand my kids in a whole new way!
7. Seeing something through the eyes of a child is priceless! (Seeing their face for excitement, awe, etc.)
8. I learned to budget, save, etc. in a way that I would have never before!
9. Housework isn't really that bad when you can turn the music way up and not care about anything else!
10.  Pajamas are God's gift and should be accepted as work attire! :)

As I make this transition to a working Mom I'm an emotional basketcase (I won't lie... I've cried everyday since the first interview and most days more than once!) However, these are the things I'm trying to remind myself...

1. My kids aren't going to hate me. They are just gonna do a good job of rubbing that mommy guilt in.
2. I went to school for this. This is what I wanted to do.
3. I believe that preschool is essential in a child's life now. Maybe not when I was little but with the pressures and things kids need to know before kindergarten... preschool is HUGE!
4. I will feel better knowing I will be helping my family financially.
5. My kids will have a chance to socially interact with other children. They won't be watching tv and will be involved in more play based learning. This means they will develop an active imagination!
6. I get to buy "big kid clothes"
7. I've been successful in showing my kids that you can do and be anything you want. You just have to make sacrifices.
8. Unlike other jobs... my kids will still be with me!
9. Change is not always bad... just a little scary
10. And.. if I don't like it.... and things just aren't what I had hoped for... NOTHING is permanent!

So as I do my best to get back into wearing multiple hats....

I thank you all for the prayers and encouragement you have given. I can do this.... I really can...

I got the job...

Yesterday I went for my 2nd interview with The Growing Years. The owner was a little rough around the edges and I won't lie when I say it didn't help my already worrisome thoughts!

However, after all the talks and details were worked out they offered me an Assistant Director posistion at their school.

I start on Monday....

Let the tears flow, worries come, and work clothes shopping begin...

Eeek...

But this is what you wanted.....

Today I went on an interview for an Assistant Director position. This preschool is in a very nice area and has lots of amenities I would want for my own child (cameras in the room so a parent can check in while they are at work, etc.) I was super excited about the chance to be management at one of these centers. After all.. that's why I went back to school. I wanted to be in management. To take a break from the classroom... to learn more about being a manager so that one day I can have my dream of opening my own private preschool!

When I walked out of the interview I knew it had gone REALLY well. I was excited right? Then why in one breath was I giddy and then 5 minutes later I was a basketcase crying!

Matt said... "but this is what you wanted right?"

Yeah, I do. But change is scary! I want this I really do... Change isn't bad.. just different. Is this God's plan for my life??

We'll see what the call on Monday says....

Ahhh.... there's the Spring weather...

Just when a mom doesn't think she can make it another day without killing her kids... God steps in and delivers beautiful 70 degree weather! It was so nice out today and tomorrow is only supposed to be warmer! That's good news for a mommy who was losing her mind the last few days!

Today we had a blast playing outside. Jumping on the trampoline, swinging, playing in the sandbox, riding bikes/wagons, running around... just plain having a good time!

Days like today I'm happy that I am able to be at home and enjoy them with my kids.

"Look how high I can jump!"

Trying to stand up on the trampoline without falling

Mommy's attempt to take a picture (yeah, yeah.. I'm not so good at that)

Don't ask me what Gavin is doing but at least Megan was smiling!

Gavin taking a picture of mommy and Megan (not too much better than my attempt)

Up and jumping!

Playing "popcorn"

swinging on the swing

playing in the sandbox

Why??

Why must my kid act like this?? Lately we have been struggling with backtalking! It's out of control. Then when I send him to his room he won't go, he spits, hits, etc. There have been many a times that I thought I might kill him!

When he is in his room this is what I get.... banging on the door, screaming, throwing things at the door, "I need to ask you a question"..etc!

This could make a stay at home mommy really dream of being back at work!

A Valentine's Day celebration...

I've never been big on celebrating Valentine's Day. In fact I am one of those people who believe that "I love you" should be said everyday. (Although it isn't in this house) However, once I had kids... things changed. I became a little kid again! I get so excited  doing special things for my kids. In fact I find it more rewarding than actually getting any Valentine's gift myself!

This year we were pretty short on $$, so after we got the kids their Valentine's Day stuff there wasn't anything really left over for exchanging gifts between Matt and I. However, if you know anything about me... I just can't NOT get him ANYTHING!! It's just not in me! So this year I had to be a little more creative with the supplies I had on hand. ($8, my brain, the computer, and several art supplies)

The week before Valentine's Day I got to work on some handmade Valentine's gifts for Matt... and so did his kids :)

This is how our Valentine's Day went....

It started at 4:30 a.m. when I woke up and put hearts all over the house and in his car with different sayings written on them...
(Here are just a few)

Then I put out his poster I made....

Then I went back to bed for a few hours before the kids woke up for their 1st Valentine's Day surprise...

 Heart Shaped Blueberry Muffins :)

Megan's Spot

Megan's "boon"

Gavin's spot

Gavins balloon

The kids really enjoyed eating off the special plates (that were only .99!) and opening their Valentines gifts from Grandma and Gigi.(Thanks Grandma and Gigi!!)

The weather was 70 degrees so we spent all day playing. When daddy got home we went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Yum!!

We ended the night by giving each other gifts...

No card from Mommy is complete without stickers!

A singing Monster

And Reese's peanut butter cups!

A singing Bee (Megan's favorite "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun")

Hershey Kisses (chocolate - another favorite of Megan's!)

Gavin's card to daddy

Megan's card to daddy

Matt's "gag" gifts to me -- I keep asking him to dye his hair since he is turning gray! Haha!

Megan wanting to know where the chocolate went after we put it away! (She already had 4 pieces!)

After the kids went to bed I let Matt open his card from me. I sent him on a scavenger hunt around the house to find his final present.

Although it was definitely a different type of Valentine's Day... I would say that we all enjoyed our gifts and I don't think Matt was disappointed by my creativity! Haha!