So much on my mind...

After accepting the job (wait... more like after my first interview) I've been having crazy amounts of anxiety. I've never felt so unsure about what I was supposed to do. I've practically made myself sick over it. My stomach is constantly in knots and I can't sleep!

It seems to be what I was looking for but for whatever reason I just can't relax about it. I'm pretty sure I've spent more time praying in the last 3 days than I have in 3 years! It's crazy!

I have this strong urge pushing me saying "This is it! You got this!" and just about the time I start feeling a sense of calmness about the situation... something inside me screams "What are you doing? What are you getting yourself into?

I'm so conflicted. Hoping I did the right thing and praying that after Monday things might be a little clearer for me!

My children's Stats

Today Megan had to go for her 15 month check up and Gavin had to go for his kindergarten evaluation/physical.

They both were healthy and there were no concerns! FINALLY a good check up!

I did think it was funny that the doctor told me if both of my children continued on their curve Megan would be taller than her brother by 5! She is in the 95th percentile for height and Gavin is in the 25th!

Here are the stats:

Gavin
44 lbs. and 42 inches

Megan
22lbs 4 ounces and 31 3/4 inches

So how do you really feel?

The thought of going back to work SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME!  I mean I am a complete control freak you know?!! Is this what I'm supposed to be doing? Is this God's plan? Should I be staying at home? What do I do?

I am in desperate need of one of those....

moments...

The biggest worry for me? My kids...

And if you know anything about me...you know that my kids are my life! (even if they do test my patience on a daily basis!) There's nothing in this world that I've wanted more than my kids!

So on a side note I feel it's important to let you in on a little something. You see... I realize I'm a control freak! I also realize that no matter how much I love these two kids... they aren't really mine! They are God's children and he has allowed me to raise them. The last few months I've spent alot of time in bible studies about "letting go" This is the area of my life that I need help "letting go" I just can't do it! There really isn't any reason for it. NOTHING has ever happened to them when I gave up control.... it's just something personal inside of me. And yes, I'm working on that. So it's not all that surprising that God would throw a "perfect" opportunity my way to help push me into that "letting go". (After all... he did allow me to spend almost a year and half with them)

So as I reflect over the last 15 months being at home this is what I've come to...
1. I didn't really miss work. I thought I would. I just missed the relationships that I formed. But the idea of work in general... nope didn't miss it a bit!
2. I never talked as much as I did when I was at home. (I answered hundreds of questions, repeated myself a million times, and cajoled for the same reasons...all in the same amount of time I did when I was working!)
3. I thought I would enjoy mom's groups. I didn't. They weren't for me.
4. I was sure I would get bored. BOY WAS I EVER WRONG!
5. If I could handle 18 3 year olds... 2 children at home would be a breeze. WRONG AGAIN!
6. I understand my kids in a whole new way!
7. Seeing something through the eyes of a child is priceless! (Seeing their face for excitement, awe, etc.)
8. I learned to budget, save, etc. in a way that I would have never before!
9. Housework isn't really that bad when you can turn the music way up and not care about anything else!
10.  Pajamas are God's gift and should be accepted as work attire! :)

As I make this transition to a working Mom I'm an emotional basketcase (I won't lie... I've cried everyday since the first interview and most days more than once!) However, these are the things I'm trying to remind myself...

1. My kids aren't going to hate me. They are just gonna do a good job of rubbing that mommy guilt in.
2. I went to school for this. This is what I wanted to do.
3. I believe that preschool is essential in a child's life now. Maybe not when I was little but with the pressures and things kids need to know before kindergarten... preschool is HUGE!
4. I will feel better knowing I will be helping my family financially.
5. My kids will have a chance to socially interact with other children. They won't be watching tv and will be involved in more play based learning. This means they will develop an active imagination!
6. I get to buy "big kid clothes"
7. I've been successful in showing my kids that you can do and be anything you want. You just have to make sacrifices.
8. Unlike other jobs... my kids will still be with me!
9. Change is not always bad... just a little scary
10. And.. if I don't like it.... and things just aren't what I had hoped for... NOTHING is permanent!

So as I do my best to get back into wearing multiple hats....

I thank you all for the prayers and encouragement you have given. I can do this.... I really can...

I got the job...

Yesterday I went for my 2nd interview with The Growing Years. The owner was a little rough around the edges and I won't lie when I say it didn't help my already worrisome thoughts!

However, after all the talks and details were worked out they offered me an Assistant Director posistion at their school.

I start on Monday....

Let the tears flow, worries come, and work clothes shopping begin...

Eeek...

But this is what you wanted.....

Today I went on an interview for an Assistant Director position. This preschool is in a very nice area and has lots of amenities I would want for my own child (cameras in the room so a parent can check in while they are at work, etc.) I was super excited about the chance to be management at one of these centers. After all.. that's why I went back to school. I wanted to be in management. To take a break from the classroom... to learn more about being a manager so that one day I can have my dream of opening my own private preschool!

When I walked out of the interview I knew it had gone REALLY well. I was excited right? Then why in one breath was I giddy and then 5 minutes later I was a basketcase crying!

Matt said... "but this is what you wanted right?"

Yeah, I do. But change is scary! I want this I really do... Change isn't bad.. just different. Is this God's plan for my life??

We'll see what the call on Monday says....

Ahhh.... there's the Spring weather...

Just when a mom doesn't think she can make it another day without killing her kids... God steps in and delivers beautiful 70 degree weather! It was so nice out today and tomorrow is only supposed to be warmer! That's good news for a mommy who was losing her mind the last few days!

Today we had a blast playing outside. Jumping on the trampoline, swinging, playing in the sandbox, riding bikes/wagons, running around... just plain having a good time!

Days like today I'm happy that I am able to be at home and enjoy them with my kids.

"Look how high I can jump!"

Trying to stand up on the trampoline without falling

Mommy's attempt to take a picture (yeah, yeah.. I'm not so good at that)

Don't ask me what Gavin is doing but at least Megan was smiling!

Gavin taking a picture of mommy and Megan (not too much better than my attempt)

Up and jumping!

Playing "popcorn"

swinging on the swing

playing in the sandbox

Why??

Why must my kid act like this?? Lately we have been struggling with backtalking! It's out of control. Then when I send him to his room he won't go, he spits, hits, etc. There have been many a times that I thought I might kill him!

When he is in his room this is what I get.... banging on the door, screaming, throwing things at the door, "I need to ask you a question"..etc!

This could make a stay at home mommy really dream of being back at work!

A Valentine's Day celebration...

I've never been big on celebrating Valentine's Day. In fact I am one of those people who believe that "I love you" should be said everyday. (Although it isn't in this house) However, once I had kids... things changed. I became a little kid again! I get so excited  doing special things for my kids. In fact I find it more rewarding than actually getting any Valentine's gift myself!

This year we were pretty short on $$, so after we got the kids their Valentine's Day stuff there wasn't anything really left over for exchanging gifts between Matt and I. However, if you know anything about me... I just can't NOT get him ANYTHING!! It's just not in me! So this year I had to be a little more creative with the supplies I had on hand. ($8, my brain, the computer, and several art supplies)

The week before Valentine's Day I got to work on some handmade Valentine's gifts for Matt... and so did his kids :)

This is how our Valentine's Day went....

It started at 4:30 a.m. when I woke up and put hearts all over the house and in his car with different sayings written on them...
(Here are just a few)

Then I put out his poster I made....

Then I went back to bed for a few hours before the kids woke up for their 1st Valentine's Day surprise...

 Heart Shaped Blueberry Muffins :)

Megan's Spot

Megan's "boon"

Gavin's spot

Gavins balloon

The kids really enjoyed eating off the special plates (that were only .99!) and opening their Valentines gifts from Grandma and Gigi.(Thanks Grandma and Gigi!!)

The weather was 70 degrees so we spent all day playing. When daddy got home we went to Texas Roadhouse for dinner. Yum!!

We ended the night by giving each other gifts...

No card from Mommy is complete without stickers!

A singing Monster

And Reese's peanut butter cups!

A singing Bee (Megan's favorite "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun")

Hershey Kisses (chocolate - another favorite of Megan's!)

Gavin's card to daddy

Megan's card to daddy

Matt's "gag" gifts to me -- I keep asking him to dye his hair since he is turning gray! Haha!

Megan wanting to know where the chocolate went after we put it away! (She already had 4 pieces!)

After the kids went to bed I let Matt open his card from me. I sent him on a scavenger hunt around the house to find his final present.

Although it was definitely a different type of Valentine's Day... I would say that we all enjoyed our gifts and I don't think Matt was disappointed by my creativity! Haha!

Happy Valentine's Day!!

"If you want the rainbow...

You've got to put up with the rain"

Darn!

I've always been a quote person...

I love quotes... if you don't believe me just read every academic paper I submitted in college! There is always someone who can put into words just about anything you are feeling...

Here are a few I've read lately...

Get mad, then get over it. ~Colin Powell


Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.  -- Author Unknown

“Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. ~ Oscar Wilde

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.” ~ Dr. Seuss

A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.

Winnie the Pooh

A word from Dr. Seuss

"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

— Dr. Seuss

It's Bozo the clown!

HELP!!

My son is out of control....

Mommy is losing her mind....

Parenting books have been read but just don't seem to be working....

What do I do with a smart mouth, backtalking, lying, stubborn... AND way too much like.....

HIS MOMMY kid!!

Sometimes all you can do is....

Remember that no matter what happens in life...

"my help come from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth!"



I hope this song speaks to you like it speaks to me. So if you feel like nothing is going right and you pray that it will get better know that God is up there and listening to our prayers and he knows when his children are hurting. Join with me and so many others as we try to remember that God answers all of our prayers even though it isnt always the answer we want or in ways that we can see it!

So we can Praise him in this storm...

Is it Spring??

Last weekend we had the most beautiful weather! Sunday it was in the mid 70's so we decided to abandon the afternoon naps and take the kids to the park.

They had a great time playing on the playground, riding bikes, and hiking around Falls Lake!

Matt and I used to spend Sunday afternoons at a local park in Maryland while we were dating and it was great to be able to enjoy these same things with our kids!